What Closet?

I'm a 1990's kid, and during that time, no one was gay in my world. Everyone was straight. And if you were gay, you weren't "normal". So then what is normal?

I was gay my entire life. I know that for a fact.

Now that I think about it, I was basically living a lie during those years. I had to act completely masculine around my friends and even my family.

I mean c'mon, I always wanted to hang out with my girl cousins more than the boys. I wasn't into any type of sports. I enjoyed playing with my sister's Easy Bake Oven for crying out loud. How could they not tell?

16 years 

That's how long I waited to "come out".

I didn't even plan on it happening then but I'm kind of glad it did.

I invited a boy over, his name was Anthony.

He was more open with his sexuality than I was so you can tell he was gay.

But I invited him over by lying to my mom saying him AND my best friend Mercedes were coming over.

So we hung out for a bit and when he left, this is what happened:

Mom: "Is he gay?"

Me: "...yeah. Why?"

Mom: "Oh. You should start inviting girls over so people don't think you're gay."

Me: "Ok mom"

I really didn't pay any mind to what she said, cause like I said; I wasn't planning on telling her anytime soon.

I headed to the bathroom to take a shower.

I brought my phone in with me so I can call my friend Stephanie who convinced me to hang out with that boy. As I was talking to her the shower was on. 

My mom knocks on the bathroom door saying, "Who are you talking to"?

I told her Stephanie.

She said, "When you're done with your shower, we need to have a talk."

I assumed she had her head on the door to listen to what I was saying.

So when I finished taking the longest shower ever, I take my time getting dressed putting my pj's on.

I go into the living room, and my mom was crying.

I definitely knew she knew my secret.

Mom: "Kyle do you like boys?"

Kyle: "Yes"

Mom: "Are you sure? Are you sure you're not in a phase or confused?"

Kyle: "I like boys."

Mom: "Do you know how many people get hurt and killed for being gay? I hope you're not going out in public and kissing guys."

I just kept silent. That was NOT how I intended me coming out to my Mother would be like. 

I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to feel that I do not have to keep secrets from her anymore.

Why was she pointing out all of the negatives? She also mentioned the whole "What about grandchildren?"

If I wanted to I can adopt, or give sperm to someone who would carry my child.

Again, why the negatives?

I think my mother was the hardest person I came out to.

Even though she made me come out to the rest of the family, they didn't really take it how my mom did.

Don't get me wrong I love my mother to death and I know she loves me just as much.

Years flew by and things got better.

So now that I'm 19 years old, I am out and about :)

I don't tell people I'm gay once I meet them. If we were bound to be friends then my sexuality should have nothing to do with our friendship. 

So I guess I can say I'm out the closet?